Things people say

Look, ok, I know people mean well and everything, but there are a couple of standard things that people say when you mention that your unborn baby has a cleft or when they see the baby.  Like I say, I know they mean well, but you hear the same thing from nearly everybody.

1. Still, they can do amazing things these days can't they?

I know this comment is to make us feel better, or maybe it's to make the person that said it feel better, and I'm sure everyone that says it thinks they are the first. So we have to pretend that it's the first time we have heard it and go along with the conversation.  I'm sincerely sorry if you have said this to us at one point, I'm not getting at you, I'm not that bothered really, it's just something I am pointing out to other parents that may have just discovered their unborn baby has a cleft.  If this is you, be prepared to hear this at least twice a day.  Also, be prepared for this one:

2. You know, my friend's mother's auntie's brother's niece's son was born with a cleft lip and palate, and you know what?  You can't tell now.

This is almost as popular as the first one.  Sometimes, the relation to the person you are talking to is not quite that distant, but you get the idea.  When we hear this, we have to look surprised and say "Really? That's amazing."

One of my workmates saw Tyler before his surgery and his comment was a refreshing change.  He didn't say any of these things, he said "He looks like a Predator!".  We laughed, because very often I had seen that in him myself.